Live in a Way That Makes People Smile When They Meet You, Instead of Shrinking Away...

Who hasn’t encountered people who can utter a few words with a smile that make you want to leave the room immediately? If you haven’t, you are either 1) a truly lucky person or 2) still a truly lucky person with an unshakable emotional backbone.

When are you finally going to start earning well/get married/have a child/lose weight?

What nonsense are you writing? You should do something worthwhile instead of just talking...

What’s that tattoo? Have you gone mad in your old age?

I don’t know who your child takes after; they’re so cute…

What’s with your obsession with vegetarianism, yoga, etc.? It’s actually harmful; what’s beneficial is what I recently read on some website…

Why are you dressed so tastelessly?

At certain times, we all are vulnerable, and passive-aggressive statements like these—let alone sheer tactlessness—can throw us off balance, especially when they come from someone close to us.

I have often encountered people who seemed to know better than me how I should live and could gladly offer their expert opinions, including advice on how to live my life, whom to be with, whom to be friends with, and why. The paradox is that none of these so-called life experts, or modern-day 'life coaches', had any personal experience in the areas they claimed expertise in.

Instead, they often had a vast potential for ruining the mood and nerves of those around them. If their target happened to be an intelligent person who was not always quick to respond or who might even mumble some vague explanations, it was like a paradise for them—a chance to assert their authority and direct it in the “right” way.

So, here are a few types of toxic people you’ve likely encountered in your life, but take it with a grain of salt, as usual:

THE CONTROLLER. This person typically wants to control everyone and everything around them. They get very angry if you disagree with their opinion and will argue vehemently that they are right and you should follow their directions. If this is your partner, they won’t let you breathe until you completely submit and meet all their demands. Forget about freedom of expression, emotional or mental freedom. Better yet, run while you have the chance.

THE EMOTIONAL VAMPIRE. This person will drain all your positive energy until they have emotionally depleted you. They always have something negative, sad, or pessimistic to contribute to the conversation. They see only the negative in everything, and this is unlikely to change, unless they are willing to do the work.

THE VERBAL NARCISSIST. Have you ever had a conversation, or rather a monologue, with someone who doesn’t let you get a word in ? They are simply not interested in your opinion because they enjoy their own articulation and the sound of their own voice. They won’t ask you questions or listen to your answers. If you’re around a narcissist, be prepared to give them center stage, as the world revolves solely around them. You’ll have to get used to playing a purely secondary role.

THE DRAMATIC ACTOR. This person lives their life in a series of endless, overlapping dramas. As soon as one ends, another begins. They need your sincere sympathy and empathy like air, but they definitely don’t want advice, because they don’t really want to fix anything; they just want to endlessly complain about their life. Drama gives meaning to their existence. Be careful—being around such a person, you risk being drawn into their dramatic performance, with a role assigned to you. Are you ready for that?

THE ENVIOUS PERSON. In my view, this is one of the most toxic types because envious people are filled with self-hatred but prefer to project it onto those around them through gossip, negative criticism, and judgments. They will never genuinely be happy for you; instead, they will criticize you, as everyone in their circle is insufficiently smart, beautiful, etc. If you hear gossip about someone from an envious person, rest assured they are spreading the same gossip about you behind your back without any remorse.

We are not always able to rid ourselves of toxic people, especially if they are very close to us. Recognizing them is not difficult, and it is entirely possible to learn basic techniques to avoid being caught off guard by their toxic behavior.

To do this, you might like to:

Not respond immediately—as cliché as it sounds, take a moment to breathe. Take a few deep breaths to bring yourself back to the present moment and slightly distract yourself from what’s happening, thereby lowering your emotional tension. Toxic people, especially narcissists, often wait for your emotional reaction, which feeds their ego.

Smile and turn everything into a joke. This reaction is often unexpected and disarms toxic people, putting them in a state of confusion since they anticipate an emotional reaction from you. I understand this requires self-control and composure, as it’s mentally challenging to imagine hitting the person’s head against the wall, so maintaining outward calm and a smile is not easy. But trust me, this skill is within your reach, and its effect is unmatched.

Respond with ambiguous statements like, “Interesting that you think that…” or “I see you’re very confident in your opinion; I think differently, so let’s agree to disagree peacefully…” Use neutral expressions such as “perhaps,” “it’s possible,” “maybe,” showing that you are not going to argue passionately but are firm, peaceful, and neutral. This may quickly end any desire they have to argue with you or prove a point.

Imagine observing the situation from the outside, without getting emotionally involved. This will give you calmness and confidence, which will be the first step towards your emotional invulnerability. Since we are all connected at a neural level, we have the ability to reflect each other’s emotional states energetically. This will also help you develop the ability to not react immediately but to look deeper into the core of the problem, not just the surface level of human interaction.

Treat people with genuine empathy and sympathy, despite everything. Sometimes, asking a disarming question like, “Maybe there is something bothering you?” can provoke an unexpected reaction from someone who genuinely wants to share their problem but doesn’t know how to ask for help and might resort to attack.

Distance yourself from toxic people in every available way, especially during an attack, without accumulating negative emotions. After an encounter and when in your safe space, mentally visualize your opponent and express everything that has built up inside you, using unrestrained expressions, thus freeing yourself from negative emotions. However, avoid doing this face-to-face, as there’s a risk of losing it, before you are actually equipped to step into it with confidence.